TROPICALS - A FORCE AWAKENS

by ADHL

The Abu Dhabi Tropicals have finally ended one of the longest losing streaks in ADHL history by annihilating the current champions, the Godfathers 11-0. Godfathers fans left the rink disgusted, disappointed, and angry. Godfathers booster club president and hooligan leader Olga yelled "It's a shame and I'm angry. Losing against the Tropicals? Are you kidding me?". Indeed, the Godfathers had a terrible night on home ice thanks to Tropicals superstar Shawn O'Neil, who scored five times and assisted a pair. Andy Fawcett added an impressive goal and assist hattrick, while Russian export Andrei Kozhevin, tallied 4 points. The victory was the highest in the young Tropicals history, whereas the defeat was the worse for the Godfathers in a decade. Later that evening, 600 lbs. defense pair Oldrich Zajicek and JF Aube were arrested by police for disturbing the peace and being intoxicated, while streaking naked down the streets of Abu Dhabi. 

Terry Roberts, Australian exports of the Tropicals said "Crikey, that was a fair dinkum ripper of a game, mate! I was stoked to chuck in a snag, but it was a bonza effort from the whole crew. I reckon I'm a bit of a half-koala, half-wombat hybrid, but I'm finally following in the footsteps of my legendary grandpa, Crocodile Dundee, and my stepdad, the Crocodile Hunter himself, who both have their names etched in the Australian-South Wales hockey hall of fame. Fair go, they were absolute rippers, and I'm doing me best to live up to their bonza legacy. I'm bloody stoked that we finally wacked the Godfathers on the barbie and grabbed our first win of the season and I'm feeling like a million bucks, mate". 

A very disappointed Godfather's defender Charles-Antoine Plamondon noted "Oh là là, tabernac! Today was not notre jour, sacrebleu! We played like Poutine without les cheese curds and gravy, mon dieu. Qu'est-ce qui reste alors? Just fries, like some soggy English fries, tabarnak! I am deeply ashamed of the performance of my équipe, c'est vraiment pas correct. I don't think I can show my face at home ce soir because my famille, they hate losing, ostie. I hope we recover bientôt and beat the Eagles, which will be a tough challenge, maudit. However, I don't think it was nécessaire that the fans burned down le nearby KFC, même si the smell was incroyable. C'est pas right, calice!"

The Godfathers have the chance for redemption on Monday, November 4th against the Eagles, while the Tropicals will try to keep the momentum alive against the Oryx.