New Salary Cap Announced

The Abu Dhabi Hockey League has long been considered one of the most lucrative sporting destinations on the planet. Every year, athletes from every corner of the sports world abandon their careers in search of ADHL glory. Former football icons, ex‑Formula 1 drivers, Red Bull Ice Challenge champions—you name it, they’ve all tried their luck… and failed spectacularly.

Making sure existing players feel overvalued while new talent pretends they’re underpaid has become the ADHL’s most expensive tradition. After months of heated negotiations between owners and league executives—negotiations which increased coffee and beer sales in the capital by 350%—the group has finally unveiled a brand‑new salary cap. Armed with pockets deeper than the Mariana Trench and logic shallower than a puddle, they came to the only reasonable conclusion.

The new cap? 32.47 dirhams per player.

Yes, you read that right. While a few athletes are so eager to lace up in the ADHL that they actually pay for the privilege, the league insists the cap is fairly calculated based on ticket sales, concession revenue, unverified “sponsorship donations,” and merchandise that may or may not exist.

The sticking point that remains is the beverage clause: no agreement has yet been reached on the number of adult drinks a player is entitled to per season. Early indications suggest the championship may hinge on which team can hold its ground longest at the Abu Dhabi Scorpions Ice Hockey Club’s bar.

In a further show of generosity, teams may slash player “fees” as they see fit. Thus, the average seasonal contribution is now officially reduced from 2,632.47 dirhams to a flat 2,600. Because nothing says “professional athlete” like a seasonal subscription fee.

Starting this year, ADHL players will each be billed 2,600 dirhams per season. Guest players—otherwise known as non‑contracted free agents—are welcome for a modest 150 dirhams per ice time. While they won’t see their names engraved on the Grover Cup or Kaddas Cup, management has agreed to allow them one priceless perk: selfies with the trophies.